The Night I Remembered to See My Light

This picture popped up in my Facebook memories today. I remember this night vividly. The night I remembered who I was and how precious of a human I am. It was the Dominos holiday party in 2011 (I was a Delivery Expert at the time).

The Macarena started playing and I got a group of people, coworkers and otherwise, to start dancing. We were laughing and dancing and having so much fun being in this moment together.

At the time, I was in and out of an emotionally abusive relationship with a narcissist who had trapped me in a belief state that I was unworthy of trust and self-love. I can’t fully remember, but I think at this time we were currently broken up, but still heavily involved with one another. I remember telling him how much fun I had that night, and how I felt like myself for the first time in a long time. He questioned why I couldn’t be that way with him without even realizing he was the reason.

Narcissists are attracted to people who shine bright from within. But they can’t stand to be outshined. So they do everything in their power to dim your light. They strip you of your power and then drop you in a ditch (metaphorically speaking) because they can’t stand the person you’ve become – powerless, unconfident. You’re no longer the person they were once attracted to, but they have no self-awareness in the hand they had in you becoming a shell of the person you truly are.

This moment was a turning point in my life. It took me some time after this night to fully free myself from the shackles of someone so manipulative and controlling, someone who made me somehow believe that if I left, there would be no one in the world who could possibly love me. But it was this night that reminded me I could be the brightest light in a dark room, and I let that light guide me away from him and return to my true self.

Don’t be afraid to be your own guiding light.